come out of hiding

My apologies to ladies out there who have taken the time to read and leave comments on my posts and have not been replied to,  also for not giving any support back. I needed a big break. A time off from all these infertility talk. I decided not to receive notifications from my blog for comments or new posts from blogs I follow. I just didn’t want to think about trying to conceive. Again, I’m sorry.

I also want to congratulate all the ladies out there who finally get to hold their babies in their arms. I am happy for you all and I envy you at the same time 😉

On my last post I wrote about being super late. I was not pregnant. Period came 10 days late and showed up on the day when I had to catch a flight back from Norway to Australia. I was sad and angry. I was wishing that some type of deja vu would happen – I was pregnant the year before when flying home from Norway to Oz, although not knowing that I was. But that wasn’t the case. The original plan was for us to do a new round of IVF in Sydney. New clinic, new doctor. But plans changed, we had to move to another state early this year due to hubby’s work and that’s not the only thing that’s changed. I changed. I’m soo tired of waiting, scheduling, medicating, thinking about what ifs. I don’t want to deal with those things. I want to feel unburdened. I want to go back to the workforce and be a part of active society. I don’t want to be a sad, bitter person who’s feeling sorry for myself. Yes, of course I (we) still want a baby, but I’m over with fertility treatments – mind you I’m speaking about how I feel at the present.. this might change in the future. I stopped taking my vitamins and supplements for several months and just started taking them again last week. I managed to secure a casual position 2 days a week – not exactly what I wanted – but this will do for now. I eat what I want to eat (read: junk food)

Two weeks ago I had my hopes up high.. my period came late, again and I had this strange hives-like itch on my right arm and I was sure I hadn’t been bitten by anything. On the 6th day (CD34) I decided to test and it’s negative. The itchiness still persist. Finally after 10 days late, my period came but it only lasted 3 days, shorter than my normal 5 days. By the time my period came, the itchiness went away. Just like that. It’s so weird. I read online that itchiness could be related to high estrogen level. Maybe because I was so late, my estrogen level got so high and I got hives… Anyway.. so that’s all about the fun stuff in my life at the moment.

I may not be blogging too often anymore, since there’s not much to talk about.. But I do wish you all to have better outcomes than I do and I see many of you did. Congratulations and Good Luck!