I thought right

It’s exactly what happened the other two times, why  not now?? right??

The evening of 8dp2dt my left knee started to get sore – I always get sore left knee few days before my period. I started losing hope for this cycle. Yesterday, 10dp2dt, my breasts were a lot less sore and first thing this morning I started spotting and tested negative on HPT and now I’m bleeding. Game over. One day before blood test. History has repeated itself.

Our last attempt in Norway. We’re going home in 39 days. That’s something to be excited about. The plan is to enjoy the last months of 2013, worry-free and start a new cycle in January/February in Sydney.. Aahhh It’d be good!

2ww update

5dp2dt and half part of 6dp2dt. I had constant strong twinges and poking feeling in my lower abdomen. Appropriate timing for any implantation to start. I was super hopeful and excited.

Today, 8dp2dt. I’m getting extremely worried. My cervix was low when I inserted cyclogest yesterday morning and evening. It’s still the same this morning. It’s got pretty difficult to insert the pessaries. I became aware of my cervical position on my previous attempt as I started noticing quite a difference in its position during the second half of my 2ww. It became lower. It’s that time again in 2ww and the exact same thing happens. It’s really hard to be excited at this moment.

 

 

 

Two is my favorite number

Today I had one 2-day embryo transferred back into me. It’s 4 cells, exactly where it’s supposed to be for day 2. Yesterday, we got the news that we only had 1 egg fertilized. What happened to the rest of my eggs? Doctor couldn’t explain but I’m pretty sure they were rubish. I couldn’t believe that out of 6 eggs, we only got 1, even with ICSI! So I had my crying episode yesterday, but when hubby came home and gave me his “stay positive” speech, I started feeling better. Anyway back to the transfer, the embryo was grade A2, as a comparison, IVF#1 one 3-day embryo grade A1 (8 cells) and IVF#2 one 2-day embryo grade C (5 cells). So apparently 5 cells for day 2 considered low grade at the clinic. Hopefully this 2-day, grade A2 embryo will get me pregnant (see the number 2-s connection?) 😀

The blood test will be on the 24th and urine test on the 28th although I think I will know if I’m pregnant or not 2 days before the blood test, my body will tell me, as usual. Until then I will be enduring cyclogests, doing acupunctures and snacking on brazil nuts!

 

beta day

The bleeding got more significant as of yesterday afternoon and even more this morning but not quite full flow yet. Husband and I agreed that I should still take the pessaries until we have the result this afternoon, although I know in my heart that it’s over.  I didn’t even think I need to go for the blood test, but I went anyway. Funny how I take this situation better than the first time around, only had a little cry last night when telling my husband that I was bleeding. It’s not that I’m not sad, I’m just so prepared (or used to?) to getting bad news, so it doesn’t hit me as much I guess…

***Update: Blood test confirmed negative. Let’s move on! Full flow started few hours ago.

and it came

I’m talking about spotting. Yesterday morning I noticed the cyclogest discharge wasn’t as white as usual, slightly brownish in colour and this morning I got brownish red when wipe. So I’m 95% sure that it’s over. No more spotting yet but the day is still early and I know from experience that what follows is not going to be what I wish for.

2 days left

We will know in 2 days. Beta day. I have prepared myself for the absolute worst. All the so-called “symptoms” are gone today. My breasts started to feel a lot less sore by yesterday afternoon and I don’t feel anything today. The same thing happened last cycle, all the symptoms were gone one day before beta and sure enough it was negative.

Finally did hpt this morning, 10dp2dt, it’s negative. It might be too early or it’s just not meant to be. I still have hope, a tiny one, but it’s there.

halfway to go

Day 7 and progesterone has done its magic on me – I really hope it is that evil drug that gives me all these PMS symptoms and does not mean period is on its way.

Let’s make a list, shall we?

1. Grumpy and teary. This started yesterday actually. I cried over stupid adds on TV.

2. Sore breasts. Today (finally) I woke up feeling heavy on my breasts.

3. Knee/joint pain. I know it’s weird but before AF my joints especially my left knee gets REALLY sore, makes me feel like I’m a 60-yr old lady who needs a walking stick. *a little exaggerating, but it is sore!*

4. Headache. I have one right now.

Now this last one I’m going to tell you, I know it’s NOT PMS. It’s progesterone. *WARNING: TMI*

CONSTIPATION. First off let me tell you, I’m a regular, first thing in the morning, once a day girl when it comes to number 2. I don’t have any problems in that area (until today), not even in my 2ww on the first cycle. That’s not the case today! As normal, early morning today I felt the need to go, so there I was sitting on the toilet and nothing..nothing happened! I was straining but then realized it might do something bad to my uterus (can it?) so I stopped. 10.. 15 minutes.. nothing. I gave up. I felt really grumpy all morning. So I drank lots and lots of water   and thinking to get some prune juice later. Then around 11, I started feeling it again and thank GOD this time I got them out! Phew..

*sorry, but I did warn you*

Anyway I went to the supermarket after the victory and looked for prune juice just in case.. couldn’t find them. So I just grabbed some more veggies and fruits and hope it won’t happen again!!

 

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wait n see

Yep that’s all we can do from here! We had a 5-cell embryo transferred yesterday. To be honest I was still hoping the doctor would come with the news that we had another embryo to put back in yesterday. But that’s not the case. BUT I started feeling a lot better last night, I realized that we do have this tiny embryo inside of me, and it can grow as one healthy baby! No, I’m not putting my hopes up, I’m being realistic, and the reality is it could happen.

No bed rest for me, as the doctor said, just take it easy and try not to win any medals at least until Tuesday 😀 (any implantation should happen on Tuesday). So after the transfer I grabbed a taxi and went to have acupuncture while my husband went back to work. 

Unlike my first cycle, I haven’t felt anything in my body. Last time, once I had the trigger shot, my breasts reacted and I felt like I had a boob job done. Now, I feel so normal. The gas in my lower abdomen from egg retrieval finally subsided. I just realized 2 days ago that the “soreness” I’d been feeling in my lower abdomen since ER was actually gas pressure. I didn’t have this last time. So yes this past 3 days I’ve been passing lots of gas! especially the day after ER. 

Daily routines since ER are vaginal pessaries twice a day (Cyclogest 400mg) and albyl-E 75mg once a day. And yes I have stocked up on panty liners!

Blood test is scheduled for the 26th and hpt on the 30th. But I have made up my mind that if nothing happens – no bleeding- by the 26th, I will do hpt that morning. Crazy I know, but I will do it.

obsessed

My mind (and body) are playing tricks on me. I’m obsessed, trying to figure out what’s going on with me.  I had little bit of spotting on CD19 and CD20, only in the morning and again yesterday (CD23). On Saturday (CD22) I felt sooo hot but it was only 2 degrees outside. My mood has been all over the place and been feeling very fatigue and sleepy. I KNOW all of these “symptoms” can mean PMS or pregnancy. I’ve been trying to brush it off my head.. but I just CAN’T and I feel like I have to shout it out – that’s why I’m writing this post.

I can’t wait until my period due date. If I get my period I will be happy as it means my cycle has returned to normal and we can start nasal spray on CD21. If it doesn’t come, then I can finally do a pregnancy test – a girl can be optimistic, can’t she? – whatever the outcome will be.. at least I know.

I just don’t want to miss anything like I did last time..

days after

So it happened. I had a good cry on Friday night, share the pain with my husband, and we move on. We went out on Saturday morning, and spent the rest of the weekend watching an idiot abroad episodes back to back. We had a good laugh 🙂

I started bleeding on Friday night but didn’t get full flow until Sunday morning and I had the worst cramps in my life before full flow, I felt a big pressure in my lower abdomen – blood wanting to come out. Now I have the heaviest period in my whole life, but thank God, no pain. I stopped all the meds on Saturday.

I just arranged to meet the doctor on Tuesday the 23rd. We want to start the next cycle in late January as we are going to go back to Australia and Indonesia from December to mid January to meet the families – a long awaited holiday. It turns out the decision to take the 3 cycle package is not a bad decision after all.. We’re glad that all is paid for for our next cycle 🙂

Thanks again for everyone’s support and kind words, I am alright now.. hope we’ll have better result next time! 🙂