come out of hiding

My apologies to ladies out there who have taken the time to read and leave comments on my posts and have not been replied to,  also for not giving any support back. I needed a big break. A time off from all these infertility talk. I decided not to receive notifications from my blog for comments or new posts from blogs I follow. I just didn’t want to think about trying to conceive. Again, I’m sorry.

I also want to congratulate all the ladies out there who finally get to hold their babies in their arms. I am happy for you all and I envy you at the same time 😉

On my last post I wrote about being super late. I was not pregnant. Period came 10 days late and showed up on the day when I had to catch a flight back from Norway to Australia. I was sad and angry. I was wishing that some type of deja vu would happen – I was pregnant the year before when flying home from Norway to Oz, although not knowing that I was. But that wasn’t the case. The original plan was for us to do a new round of IVF in Sydney. New clinic, new doctor. But plans changed, we had to move to another state early this year due to hubby’s work and that’s not the only thing that’s changed. I changed. I’m soo tired of waiting, scheduling, medicating, thinking about what ifs. I don’t want to deal with those things. I want to feel unburdened. I want to go back to the workforce and be a part of active society. I don’t want to be a sad, bitter person who’s feeling sorry for myself. Yes, of course I (we) still want a baby, but I’m over with fertility treatments – mind you I’m speaking about how I feel at the present.. this might change in the future. I stopped taking my vitamins and supplements for several months and just started taking them again last week. I managed to secure a casual position 2 days a week – not exactly what I wanted – but this will do for now. I eat what I want to eat (read: junk food)

Two weeks ago I had my hopes up high.. my period came late, again and I had this strange hives-like itch on my right arm and I was sure I hadn’t been bitten by anything. On the 6th day (CD34) I decided to test and it’s negative. The itchiness still persist. Finally after 10 days late, my period came but it only lasted 3 days, shorter than my normal 5 days. By the time my period came, the itchiness went away. Just like that. It’s so weird. I read online that itchiness could be related to high estrogen level. Maybe because I was so late, my estrogen level got so high and I got hives… Anyway.. so that’s all about the fun stuff in my life at the moment.

I may not be blogging too often anymore, since there’s not much to talk about.. But I do wish you all to have better outcomes than I do and I see many of you did. Congratulations and Good Luck!

 

 

 

just tell me already!

I am 7 days late. My body doesn’t do “7 days late”. Last time I was more than 3 days late I was pregnant. In fact when I was 3 days late it was only after a failed IVF. 2 BFNs on home pregnancy tests. Instead of a bleed, I’ve been having clear cervical mucus, but then again I’ve got 2 bloody BFNs!! Sooo frustrating!

getting excited again

It’s 12 days to go before leaving Norway and we’ve done the first step for our next cycle in Sydney.  We know exactly which IVF clinic to go to. Actually we had always wanted to go to this particular clinic since the first time we were considering IVF back in 2010 as they have the best IVF lab in Australia (therefore the most expensive!) and I’ve read and heard about their amazing RE’s. But to be honest we couldn’t afford it back then, and of course life then brought us to Norway so we ended up doing IVF here. So really the first step for us is choosing the right RE. After days of searching through infertility/IVF forums, I finally decided to choose this doctor, I will go with his initials, Dr MB. I like what I read about him. He seems really open to trying different protocols and is really active in IVF research as well.

As we read that he could be really busy, husband and I stayed up until past midnight three nights ago to make an appointment with Dr MB (Sydney is 9 hours ahead) and we are now booked for December 3rd! So depending on how things go, we could start a cycle as early as December! So yes I am getting excited again!

Also another thing to be excited about is a work opportunity. I’ve been emailing back and forth with my ex manager in my last job (I left the job when moving to Norway) and it looks like I could be returning.. nothing confirmed yet, but it seems promising as they want to discuss roles when I have returned. To be honest, if I do get the job, I would be confused of how to manage an IVF cycle with its blood test, and ultrasound appointments. Oh well I’ll just see as I go, I guess.

Anyway, besides the RE appointment and work that make me excited, I feel like this week I just started feeling alive again. Since the last failed IVF/ICSI cycle (26 days ago), I had been very very tired and sleepy during the day. I would have an hour nap by 11am, woke up, then by 2 or 3pm I could barely hold my eyes open again and all day long I just felt like lying down. It’s so weird. This didn’t happen with my 1st and 2nd. Then out of nowhere, in the beginning of this week, suddenly I started feeling fresh again, I started going out and about without feeling lethargic afterwards. Bloody hormones! So yeah, there’s a lot of things to look forward to in the new year and as usual we can only hope that things are going our way this time.

 

 

Australian Team Creates IVF History with Ovarian Tissue Transplant

Australian Team Creates IVF History with Ovarian Tissue Transplant.

I just have to re-blog this one. Hope for ovarian cancer survivors out there.

I thought right

It’s exactly what happened the other two times, why  not now?? right??

The evening of 8dp2dt my left knee started to get sore – I always get sore left knee few days before my period. I started losing hope for this cycle. Yesterday, 10dp2dt, my breasts were a lot less sore and first thing this morning I started spotting and tested negative on HPT and now I’m bleeding. Game over. One day before blood test. History has repeated itself.

Our last attempt in Norway. We’re going home in 39 days. That’s something to be excited about. The plan is to enjoy the last months of 2013, worry-free and start a new cycle in January/February in Sydney.. Aahhh It’d be good!

2ww update

5dp2dt and half part of 6dp2dt. I had constant strong twinges and poking feeling in my lower abdomen. Appropriate timing for any implantation to start. I was super hopeful and excited.

Today, 8dp2dt. I’m getting extremely worried. My cervix was low when I inserted cyclogest yesterday morning and evening. It’s still the same this morning. It’s got pretty difficult to insert the pessaries. I became aware of my cervical position on my previous attempt as I started noticing quite a difference in its position during the second half of my 2ww. It became lower. It’s that time again in 2ww and the exact same thing happens. It’s really hard to be excited at this moment.

 

 

 

Two is my favorite number

Today I had one 2-day embryo transferred back into me. It’s 4 cells, exactly where it’s supposed to be for day 2. Yesterday, we got the news that we only had 1 egg fertilized. What happened to the rest of my eggs? Doctor couldn’t explain but I’m pretty sure they were rubish. I couldn’t believe that out of 6 eggs, we only got 1, even with ICSI! So I had my crying episode yesterday, but when hubby came home and gave me his “stay positive” speech, I started feeling better. Anyway back to the transfer, the embryo was grade A2, as a comparison, IVF#1 one 3-day embryo grade A1 (8 cells) and IVF#2 one 2-day embryo grade C (5 cells). So apparently 5 cells for day 2 considered low grade at the clinic. Hopefully this 2-day, grade A2 embryo will get me pregnant (see the number 2-s connection?) 😀

The blood test will be on the 24th and urine test on the 28th although I think I will know if I’m pregnant or not 2 days before the blood test, my body will tell me, as usual. Until then I will be enduring cyclogests, doing acupunctures and snacking on brazil nuts!

 

two little surprises

I thought we’d only get 4 but we have 6 mature eggs!! There were 12 follicles punctured, but as usual, only 50% that are mature, but I’m happy about it as this is the most we got out of 3 cycles. We only got 4 mature eggs on IVF#1 and 3 on IVF#2, so this is great! We should know how many fertilized by 1.30 this afternoon. I feel better today – one day after retrieval – compared to last cycle. Last time I was soooo gassy and now I’m feeling great and almost feel nothing in my ovaries.

It is now 9.30am, 4 hours to go and we’ll know. Fingers crossed!!

ready for retrieval

Apparently I was worried over nothing on my last post. By the next day (stimulation day 8), the twinges and pressures in my ovaries were getting stronger and stronger and EWCM were constant.  Scan on Friday showed I had 10 follicles, 4 on the right and 6 on the left, ranging 10-15mm and uterine lining was 11.8mm. I was relieved! It’s strange how I always feel stronger twinges on my right ovary where I have less follicles!  I had another scan on Sunday and 4 follicles had grown so big, ranging from 18-22mm. The rest were under 16mm and looking at my history, we should expect 4 mature eggs.

So I did the trigger shot last night at 11pm (Ovitrelle 250mcg) and got a little OCD as usual, I kept looking at the display, making sure I had the right dose (also took a picture of it!) and after the injection I checked again and again that It showed “0”.  I noticed today my EWCM has gone completely.. I can’t seem to remember what happened with my other IVF cycles.. so yes.. I am worried.. again. I’m sure (hope) everything will be ok tomorrow.. retrieval day!!

 

 

Fear

Day 7 of stimming. I’ve been driving myself crazy. The fear of nothing happening in there is making me nuts. With cycle 1 & 2, I started feeling twinges on day 5 of stimming and started having EWCM on day 7, just like a clockwork. By day 7 I couldn’t put my ass on the lounge without feeling pressures in the ovaries. This cycle, day 5, nothing. Day 6, nothing. This morning I kept trying to feel if there’s something going on in my ovaries. Nothing. So I went out the door and I walked and walked.. and walked. Now I’m sitting on the lounge and I think I start feeling something (yay!). It’s unbelievable that in this 3rd attempt I’m still worrying over “symptoms”. I know they don’t always mean good! Still no EWCM, I’m dry as.. does it mean my estrogen level is low? does it mean I don’t have decent amount of follicles growing?? I wish I have the scan tomorrow!

***Update: EWCM appeared 10 mins after posting!